Choice – there is always a choice. If you find yourself saying, “I don’t have a choice – examine this closely. These areas are often ripe for growth.
Consequences. What are the consequences of a choice that you don’t feel you have? It may be more that you don’t want to live with those consequences, so you continue making the same choice you feel you don’t have.
Discernment is key. The stories you tell yourself are important. Saying I don’t have a choice implies to yourself you are a victim. There are cases where pain and wrongdoing must be acknowledged – this is not about taking blame for another’s wrongdoing toward you. It is instead about regularly training your brain to see your own agency. This is the first step to empowerment. Even in tough circumstances, you can find what you do have control over. Start to emphasize what you can control over what you cannot control. This is very important.
Consciousness of others vs self – especially for people who are empathic, you may be in the habit of choosing what appears best for others instead of you. While this seems like a noble thing to do, it is usually quite selfish. Because you are putting the responsibility on others to be happy to make you feel good. If this describes you, I urge you to make the choice around what is best for you, be responsible for feeling good on your own. Let others be responsible for how they feel. This is a trap of disempowerment in taking responsibility for others’ emotions, as you can never be quite sure your actions will produce your desired result – and over time you may find a large gap between who you are / what you want and what you are doing.
You have a choice.
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