I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou's words ring true. We read this and nod in agreement – because the memory of people who made us feel amazing and terrible come to mind right away….regardless of whether they were right or not.
Some of you probably take the next step of engaging in the practice of self reflection by asking yourself: How do I make other people feel? It’s a really important question. It's not about manipulating how other people feel in efforts to control their perceptions or maintain a certain image….but instead to reorient our compass from being right to being kind. The way we do that is getting into a meditative practice of moving from our head to our heart.
Because let me ask you – do you love to be right?
I’m guessing the answer is YES.
In full disclosure, the answer for me is absolutely yes. I love to be right. it’s in my nature and nurture: I’m a Virgo, middle child, daughter of a surgeon - who growing up in the late 80s and 90s desperately wanted attention for being smart when I felt like what mattered was how I looked (that is a totally separate conversation about the pressures young people feel for their appearance). So this post is just as much for me as any reader. I share it knowing it is a common blind spot that so many of us want to be right to be the point of forgetting to be kind…even to ourselves**
Back to you: next question: How does the desire to be right show up in your behavior? And in others’ behavior?
I’m guessing: usually in ways that make you think people really care about what you say and do. When – if we take Maya Angelou’s wisdom – we realize HOW we say and do has more impact on what other people feel. If we take it a step further, HOW you feel likely has the most impact on how you make other people feel when you interact with them.
I remember the words of my yoga teacher: sit in stillness for 5 minutes. How you feel with yourself when you did this is how other people feel around you. When I initially learned this, it was a real “Oh sh**” moment for me because I felt a lot of anxiety most days sitting in stillness. But I am a lifelong practitioner of living from my heart.
The HOW is more driven by the HEART, while the WHAT is more driven by the HEAD. In times of change, it is so important to have a regular practice of dropping into our heart space to feel and connect with ourselves.
Let it be a regular meditative practice to breathe deeply into your heart center and remember to lead with kindness to yourself and others, and let rightness follow.
Comments