On Saturday, I had a plan to meet my boyfriend for coffee after my yoga class. Mid-yoga, it's going great.....but the class went into some extra flows and felt like it was not going to end on time. Sure enough, the clock was showing class had 10 minutes left and we were still ramping up to the max effort pose. Definitely not ending on time. As small potatoes as this situation was, I felt a healthy dose of anxiety and frustration wash over me that the class was running late. I didn't want my boyfriend waiting on me at the coffee shop. I did the thing of having a conversation in my head with the yoga teacher. I told them in my head 'it's not giving more by adding more time to the class, it's actually taking. And you may as well just make the class 75 minutes on the schedule so people can plan accordingly.'
Frustration was bubbling and I'm having fake conversations in my head.
I saw and heard these thoughts - and with compassion reminded myself we actually weren't on a tight schedule today and it would be fine. The next pose he called was a lunge that really allowed me to open up my right hip flexor that is perpetually tight. I relaxed a little. Knowing - even if this goes 15 minutes over, it's all good, I can enjoy this moment here.
Patiently, I came back to presence, enjoying the sensation of my body opening up and moving energy around. I know this is because I practice soothing meditation everyday - where I feel gratitude in my heart for another day and set an intention of enjoying being alive. So by the time the class ended, I didn't feel a need to rush to the next thing.
I happily walked over to the coffee shop excited to see Byron. But he wasn't there yet. I then felt a small triumph of 'see, there was no need to rush anyway.' I waited outside in the sun for a couple minutes - called and texted him. After 5 minutes, I started to get anxious again. Was he okay? Why wasn't he returning my text or calls as he is now 20 minutes late.
The stories started. I don't even want to write it but if any of you can relate to catastrophizing about something that could have gone wrong - then yes my mind was going there. I had another opportunity to pause. There was probably a good reason. And I can enjoy this moment of sipping my coffee, sunshine on my back, pretty art on the walls. It took some effort but I did again drop into being present in my body and happy.
He did show up 45 minutes late (just 30 minutes after I arrived) and explained he was having a deep talk with his fitness client and didn't want to cut him off. I thought, 'of course.' And I again was happy I still got to enjoy some of that alone time instead of spending all of it in anxiety. It really got me thinking about the notion of 'practicing anxiety' vs 'practicing presence.' I could have spent this entire morning in slight anxiety about getting to the next thing and totally missed the beauty of the day.
That evening we had plans to go to a Thai place for an early birthday dinner. We started walking up to it and passed by and he said, 'actually we have a surprise reservation at Lilith.' Which is by far my favorite restaurant ever - started by goddesses who inspired me to write this blog post about Wild Women.
We arrived at the table to a huge birthday balloon and flowers on the table. Throughout the dinner, the server brought out gifts one at a time in between each course. It turns out Byron actually was at Lilith earlier wrapping and prepping the gifts while I was waiting at the coffee shop freaking out that something might have happened to him. I am so grateful for my meditation practice to help my anxiety prone brain to settle into presence and enjoy the moment.
I benefited from the generosity of practicing meditation - that day it gave me time and peace. I got to receive more openness at yoga, more relaxation at the coffee shop, and even more joy at my surprise birthday dinner. It's not about self judgment either for catastrophizing or feeling off. Because meditation and mindfulness is all about the mind-body connection, it's really about practicing compassion, practicing patience, practicing curiosity, practicing presence. It feels very good and gives back generously to you.
I encourage you to develop any sort of morning mindfulness practice where you can actually practice compassion, peace, curiosity, and presence. This could be being really mindful while drinking your morning coffee - or on your commute to work - or during a walk or jog. If you want support and guidance in your mindfulness or meditation practice, hop on a free call to learn more about how to incorporate practice in a way that is nurturing, soothing, and sustainable for you. It is truly my passion to help people love themselves and enjoy their lives, so I would be thrilled to talk to you.
For a soothing and potent structured program, our wake up 30-day cleanse provides 15 minutes of guided meditation and practice everyday.
The moments in between
Waiting for arrival
Can be oceans of peace
For the present heart
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