There are mixed messages in Western culture about what confidence is. Believing in oneself is a common phrase thrown around. But when it comes time to celebrate accomplishments, we much prefer humility and a small dose of self-deprecation. Absence of humility appears to be self aggrandizement in a way that seems unappealing.
But if we really break down the problem of people being over celebratory, the sting is what that may mean about oneself. What if the need for humility in great accomplishment is more so to protect other people’s feelings of insecurity? Perhaps we are quick to point out that they did not arrive at that accomplishment alone, they had help from their parents, their spouses, their teachers. This could be – and privilege does help someone in great accomplishment. But the truth is, they still did it. Expecting their humility or thinking of reasons why they got there implies to self that we could have gotten there *if* we had the support they did.
This picture is me graduating with a PhD. It was a wonderful day with lots of support.
My discomfort in celebrating this accomplishment got me thinking about why that is. There are a few reasons with the cultural conditioning of self-deprecation being one I wanted to explore here. I'm certainly curious about your thoughts and experiences with celebrating yours and others accomplishments.
What would it look like to celebrate other people’s accomplishments? Or even to use them as fuel to know we can do better?
Pushing the standard creates discomfort. It’s much easier to label people who tout their abilities as narcissistic or self-absorbed than to examine where we ourselves fall short of our potential.
Comments