In her book, “The Wakeful Body”, Willa Blythe Baker talks about a 3+ year meditation retreat with 10 other women in a rural area. They meditated hours a day. During this experience, Willa developed debilitating lower back pain (a new sensation) and decided to apply her meditation techniques, as well as ice, heat, muscle relaxants, and pills to ease the pain. She writes:
It was only after about two weeks, however, that I began to look into the pain more deeply. When I did, I noticed something truly surprising. There was something in all this that the meditation practice and the cold packs were not touching. There was an unacknowledged feeling simmer below the surface, something as debilitating as the pain.
That feeling was fear.
I was afraid of the pain, afraid to move, afraid to walk. I was afraid that the most basic human activities would permanently damage me. The fear became paralyzing.
Wow that is so relatable. How many times have you found yourself in over your head for the problem you are dealing with? Even for an experienced meditator who devoted her life to spiritual healing, Willa used all the tools she had to deal with pain and yet fear still overcame her.
This is so common when thinking about physical pain - and I'm sure all can relate. It extends even beyond that to the general unknown of how we will manage a new sensation or situation - even ones we desire.
We may feel background fear when we face a new challenge where we have an opportunity to grow.
For example - the idea of running a marathon or doing difficult workout sounds great in the planning stages. But right beforehand, when we have to make the decision to do it, it feels daunting and we find an excuse not to go because of the anticipated discomfort (avoidance).
Another example - discovering a new part of who we are and what we are passionate about is exhilarating. When it comes time to share with the world this new version of ourselves, fear of what other people think can hold us back where we maintain the status quo pretending it is working for us (denial).
Or another - romantic love is one of the sweetest and most sought after life experiences by many. And yet opening our hearts to be truly seen and known for who we are, knowing we cannot control another person or the relationship - causes so many people to sabotage the relationship to avoid being truly hurt (control).
For me personally, my shadow pattern is most often avoidance. I just experienced this at a time of fantastic elevation. I had the opportunity to share business offerings in person at Paradigm Expansion’s first formal event at Babesburgh Bash - a Pittsburgh festival celebrating women vendors. The event was a genuine privilege to be a part of with a bubbling glowing buzz around showcasing and celebrating feminine energy. So many firsts - the first Babesburgh Bash, first women’s festival in Pittsburgh, and first in-person event for Paradigm Expansions. On top of that, my mom and sister came in from out of town to share the business offerings together. It was an event I have been looking forward to for months that surpassed expectations.
AND with the vulnerability of showing heart’s passion came a dose of fear even though sharing Paradigm Expansions content is my dream and my calling. I have become very good at sinking back into the sidelines if I start to feel too vulnerable. I have been so thrilled about sharing my heart’s calling in a tangible way that I almost felt blindsided by the old patterns of avoidance that showed up in full force. My mom, sister, and I stayed present with it - we set our intentions, communicated with each other, and had a fabulous day. I felt humbled by the shadow patterns, remembering to do my own work of weeding. I also feel up for the challenge of releasing these old patterns to become this next version of myself - where I get to walk alongside seekers pursuing the golden seed of “something more” in their hearts. The work though energizes me and makes me excited to wake up in the morning to discover new ways of packaging the content to be as accessible as possible. I know there are seekers out there longing for more and needing language to consider a new way of relating to themselves and their environment. To wake up and transform into the person of their dreams. I get to be there for that. It is motivation enough to keep going even as my fears ask me to walk it back.
What is your pattern when fear pokes its head? Avoidance, denial, control, or a combo? One pattern is not better or worse than another - but provides an opportunity for self-compassion.
We can meet our fear and our patterned behavior with understanding and nurturing. Reorient to who we truly are and what we really want. And from a place of stillness and courage, take a breath. Go again.
I love this practice of addressing fear and encourage you to try it. Specifically for areas in your life you have wanted to change for awhile but haven't made the move yet. Don't beat yourself up - you may have some fear lingering below the surface holding you back. You CAN do it. Now is the perfect time to start!
But for those not convinced the practice of awareness, self-compassion, and letting go of fear will work for you - here’s another idea.
A strategy I have heard from those in the personal development space is that they don’t try to overcome their fear - they instead feed the fear of NOT becoming their best self. They then let the fear of NOT being who they are, going after the challenge, or loving who they love become GREATER than the fear of pain, failure, or rejection. And that compels them to act in accordance with their best self.
Whatever your path, cheers to you for living according to your passion and your love, not your fear.
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